CHAPTER TWO : IT'S NOT INFERTILITY

When John and I had gotten married, I remember thinking that I had waited for him for a long time, not because I was old when we married but it was like my soul had been waiting for him.

Early on in our marriage, I wanted to spend our first two years kid free and alone to spend time together as a young married couple. I knew kids would come in time. I had this consistent thought that once we had children, we would have them for the rest of our lives, but we only have these 2 years just us. Funny kind of thinking, but it made complete sense to me :)

We didn’t officially start trying until we had been married about 3 years. However, there was this one particular moment about 2 years into our marriage when I woke up one morning around 6 am. I didn’t usually wake up that early and yet I found myself super alert that morning, day dreaming about what if I had a baby at that point in my life, what would my life be like, how would I feel to be holding a sweet, warm baby in my arms…I knew I wasn’t ready just yet to become a mama and I was OK with that. Although, I imagined that it would come sooner than I thought and it left me feeling peaceful.

It wasn’t until we moved to Arizona a year later that I really felt ready to jump in and start trying for a family! I was so ready!

About a year and a half later, I was 10 days late and hopeful that this was it! It was my first time being late and I was excited. However, it didn’t turn out as I hoped and it was the push I needed to accept that maybe it wasn’t going to work without some additional help…

I was convinced for the first 2 or 3 years of trying to conceive that I didn’t “Have Infertility”, instead, I thought it just wasn’t working yet for me.🙃 It took me quite a few years to admit to myself that I had infertility.

I never imagined that this would be part of my life story. I imagine anyone who goes through this feels the same way.
Talk soon. 
xo Stephanie